Next week I will be going to my first lighten up meeting. I will go to these meetings once a week for six months. It seems like a long time. I am not excited or scared, I am bored already. I don't know what to expect but I think it will be just a hurdle to overcome really, a test of my patients.
I must have some feeling about it otherwise I wouldn't feel the need to write this post. I am not sure what it is. The longer I type the more anxiety I feel. Not about the class but more because I can't point to what I am feeling. But what is the saying? You can't reach a goal you've never reached before without doing something you've never done before. (Or something like that.)
Getting my feelings out is helping. I am feeling hope that this process (start to finish) is actually going to work. But I don't want to have too much hope as what if it doesn't work? But it has to right? Yes that is what I'm feeling. The beginning of something new. Something that will be hard and scary and exciting and boring. A journey I'd never thought I'd have to take but have chosen to. In some ways I feel like I don't have a choice, in other ways I know I always have a choice.
This will be a long journey. It will have high, highs and low, lows. I am committed to see it through to the end, whenever that may be. I am fully aware that there may never be an end in this life. Yet I know there will be an end and I have to finish this time. First I have to start and that is just what I am going to do.
